That feeling of discomfort the next day, that unease after the conversation… Ever had a “values hangover”? Knowing things were maybe not completely off track, but probably not really OK anymore? Life is messy, and often situations are not as perfectly clear-cut as our noble values suggest. Of course we would defend our values if they get violated, but how do we actually know that happened? Often, it is not the big blow-up, things slip in instalments until you notice they are off, and then things are already pretty unstable.
For me, keeping tabs on this has something to do with how values are represented in my body. Where and how I am feeling them on a good day, and how this changes in difficult situations. A tightness in the throat, a knot in the stomach, things like that. They give me an indication when things start slipping – provided I actually take the time and space to check in with myself. This is very much a learning process, and often I catch things late, but I’d like to think as I practice, I catch them quicker.
What is your strategy for this? What are examples where your values were challenged? What are warning signs you have identified when things are slipping? How did you start the conversations?